I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
