if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
