Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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