I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We are two peas in an std pod
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
