what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
