period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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