I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
