Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
