you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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