No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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