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i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
