Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
