Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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