literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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