i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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