it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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