Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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