he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
