I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
