I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
