i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize