You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
