I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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