i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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