He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
