Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
