did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
