If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think my vagina is haunted
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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