I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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