why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
