I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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