If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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