he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
