He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
