Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
