Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
