No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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