so that wasnt chicken after all
tell your sister to shave her snatch
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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