Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
