So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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