dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
