Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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