you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
