I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
