Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
