She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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