Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear god my vagina.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
