i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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