ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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