Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
