the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.