my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick