I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED