I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.