..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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