"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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