you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
