well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
