Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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