can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
