There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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