Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
