i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also, beer. Big fan.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
