Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
