the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
