how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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