I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
