Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
