onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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