Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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