Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
