What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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