I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
