I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
