I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
