you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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