At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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