I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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