I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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