I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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