Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
