Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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