I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
