Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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