does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
