STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
