I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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