i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
