You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
