I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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