Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
