4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
