At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
