grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
